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Ted Talks: Away with the K's

Kingstonian Ted on the bench at Haringey

From our last programme for Saturday's game against AFC Hornchurch, Kingstonian Ted found a keyboard big enough to cope with his paws and he described his first K's away game.

They say you never forget your first away game. It’s one thing balancing myself behind the goal at King George’s Field surrounded by kind K’s fans. But I was a bit nervous heading all the way to North London last Saturday, especially as the only item of clothing I own is a red and white shirt and this was going to be the heart of Tottenham territory. Thankfully, the first people I ran into were Haringey Borough fans and they quickly let me wear a yellow scarf to blend in with the locals. I would’ve had a pint too but my paws struggle to grab anything larger than a Fruitshoot…

As for the match itself, when the turnstile operator asked how much I was planning to pay for entry, I politely pointed out that the Isthmian Pricing Regulations of 1974 – fully endorsed by the late Alan Turvey - clearly state that they only apply to “human adults and children” and thus bears, dogs and all other members of the animal kingdom are entitled to free tickets if they so wish.

I was a touch disappointed to be the only non-human at the match but was pleased to hear some supportive chanting from the middle-aged men at the back of the main stand. I returned their attentions with a wave even after the opposition had taken the lead.

Kim Harris kindly let me sit on the bench for a bit of match-day experience. Given that we’ve used 78 players this season, there can’t be any harm in giving one bear a run-out at some stage before the end of the campaign. My strengths are: being a bear on the post at corners and an extra furry presence in a defensive wall. My weaknesses are: anything involving mobility.

I’ll be in the main stand today with my friend John Bangs so come and say hello! 


Published Sunday 21st April 2019